Satire by Colonel Nogov on May 7, 2015
The media has been speculating, will he or won’t he. I can no longer keep them at bay. I will end the speculation now, I, Colonel Nogov, am abandoning my idealistic anarchist ways and am going full statist. I’m running for the highest office in the land, the President of the United States. I mean really. Who was I kidding holding onto this idealistic fantasy that men should be free. How passe. How 18th century.
There is a social injustice that’s been going on for too long. This injustice can only be solved by the state. That’s why I’m running for President. Here is the outrage and platform I’m running on: The sexual repression of men. The women in this country have been sexually repressing men for decades, maybe even centuries. It has to stop. Once elected, here is the legislation I will be ramming through congress.
It will be unlawful for any woman to refuse sex to any man when he asks for it. If any man asks any woman for sex and she refuses, that will be a felony punishable by life in prison. Furthermore, all of her possessions must be turned over to the snubbed man as restitution. This legislation will henceforth be known as, “The sexual freedom act”.
The problems this legislation solves cannot be overstated. This legislation will put an end to sexual frustration in men leading to a more peaceful society. The crime of rape will no longer exist. Women will never again have to fear being raped. Sexual insecurities for both men and women will vanish.
A vote for Colonel Nogov is a vote for: The sexual freedom act!
*Author’s note: I know this is supposed to be satire, but I really think I’m on to something here. Come on ladies. For the good of society.
